So, you and I are going to be staring at one another for a large portion of this game. If I could chat with you without your manager objecting, here are some of the things I’d say:
Balls and strikes
- I love strikes! Strikes get the batters swinging, strikes get outs, and on 102 degree days, strikes get me off the field and into air conditioning faster. But not every pitch is going to be in the strike zone, even though I know you’re doing the best you can to put it there. Please deal with the fact that some marginal pitches aren’t going to go your way.
- When you throw a pitch that you’re sure was a strike, but I call a ball:
- Remember that you and I are looking at the strike zone from very different positions. From your angle, it’s possible you have a better look at the outside edge of the plate than I do – but I’ve got a much better look at the top and bottom of the strike zone than you do.
- It is possible, once in a while, that my mouth said “ball,” and then my brain immediately started kicking me saying “You dummy, that was a strike!” Unfortunately, I don’t have the option of changing my call at this point, much as I might like to.
- Publicly staring me and holding your hands out to say “what?” isn’t going to help your case. In fact, it will probably hurt you – no umpire likes to be shown up, and some of them will take a “I’ll show you” attitude and tighten the zone even further. I’m not saying that’s a good thing at all – I’m just saying that it may happen.
Warm-up Pitches
- If you want your warm-up pitches at the beginning of an inning, make sure you hustle out there and get going. By rule, you have only one minute from the last out of the previous half-inning to get your warm-ups in. That’s not a lot of time. Most umpires will give you a little longer than that, but if you dawdle around, I may not give you any at all.
- There’s nothing in the rulebook that says you have to take your full eight warm-up pitches. If your arm is loose and ready after five, why waste strikes? Call “balls in” and let’s go!